Why don't women initiate sex?


April 10, 2012, 5:45 p.m. Published in Magazine Issue: Vol. : 05 No.-18 Mar. 30 -2012 (Chaitra 17,2068)<br>

Though I love our image of the 'perfect couple', but if I read between the lines, may be I am unsatisfied.


It's been three years, but I am still desperately waiting for the day when my lady love will take the sexual lead and surprise me with her moves. Many times, I thought of discussing it with her, but dropped the idea as she may find it derogatory. Though we share a great chemistry, be it in or outside the bedroom, still I crave for the day when she would make the first move," confesses Samrat Tripathi, a 29-year-old Delhi-based media person.


Samrat isn't the only one craving for his girl to initiate the action in bed. "Is it just me who wants sex?", "Am I failing to satisfy her?", "Is my technique wrong?", "Does she wish for more pampering and foreplay?" are some of the thoughts that keep haunting men. This thought process keeps them so occupied that most of the time they fail to see some of the very obvious reasons for their problem.


It takes no rocket science to understand your beloved's physical needs, you just need to be caring and sensitive to figure out what's stopping her from making the first move. Here are some of the most common reasons holding her back...


Will he respond?


Many women with fragile ego find it difficult to kick start the action in the bedroom, as the fear of rejection keeps hounding them.


Aarti Rawat, a call centre executive says, "I am not afraid of telling my boyfriend what I need from him, but something holds me back initiating sex. Guys are so complicated and it's difficult to understand their needs so I keep guessing what's on his mind. I can just give him subtle signals like rubbing my cheeks against his or a passionate kiss to reveal my innate desires, but most of the times he fails to understand my hidden passion within these moves. It obviously hurts me so, even if I want to, so I let him take the lead."


Expert speak: Dr Sunil Mittal, a relationship counselor suggests, "There is a very simple rule in love, leave your ego hassles on the other side of the door. It is not only women who are frightened of rejection, at times men also feel the same. So first of all, start responding to the hints that your partner is dropping for you. If she kisses you, then respond in an equally passionate way. Don't ignore her needs and cravings, even if you are very busy. Tell her you need some time if you are pre-occupied and let her feel you are intently listening to her desires. Tell her that you really love it when she makes the first move. It will definitely boost her confidence and her fear of rejection may disappear soon."



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